July 10, 2025CN
Benard Hargreaves Ouma
July 10, 2025

Ngũgĩ, I Never Got to Shake Your Hand

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Photograph: Courtesy of the Lilly Library, Indiana University (1966)


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Ngũgĩ, I stand here with trembling hands
A literature student, lost in the vastness of your words.
You left before I could meet you,
Before you could whisper the secrets of the pen.

The River Between still flows in my veins.
Weep Not, Child—yet I weep now,
For the silence you left behind is deafening,
And your voice, once thunder, is now memory.

Petals of Blood stained my soul with grief.
Wizard of the Crow—I wished to laugh with you.
Devil on the Cross carried your fierce fire,
But I never saw the spark in your eyes.

Decolonising the Mind was my first rebellion.
Dreams in a Time of War taught me to hope.
In In the House of the Interpreter, I learned to listen
Yet I never heard your heartbeat in person.

Wrestling with the Devil, you fought alone.
The remnants of your courage remain.
Birth of a Dream Weaver—I long to weave my own,
But the loom feels empty without your hands.

Something Torn and New—that is how I feel.
Minutes of Glory slip through my fingers.
The perfect story I chase in vain
Moving the Centre feels like a distant dream.

The Trial of Dedan Kimathi taught me to stand tall.
The Language of Languages opened doors.
I Will Marry When I Want—a cry for freedom.
The Black Hermit—I see your solitude now.

To Stir the Heart—you stirred mine deeply.
The Upright Revolution still calls my name.
Secret Lives and Other Stories hide in my tears.
Globalectics—your vision, my compass.

Penpoints, Gunpoints and Dreams—your battles.
Homecoming—I await your return in dreams.
In the Name of the Mother, I call to you
Ngũgĩ, my mentor, my hero, my lost guide.

I beg you—meet me in dreams.
Share the wisdom you never got to say.
Teach me how to write with your fire,
So I may carry your torch through the dark.

You will never die—not in our tongues,
Not in our minds, where your stories still breathe.
Greet the great Pan-African souls waiting for you
Achebe, Soyinka, and all who fought before.

Rest now, Ngũgĩ—but know this:
Your words are my breath, my hope, my fight.
And though I never shook your hand,
I hold your legacy close to my heart—forever.

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Benard Hargreaves Ouma (b. 2002) is a Kenyan writer, scholar, and cultural advocate passionate about Pan-Africanism, good governance, and societal values. A student of English and Literature at Egerton University, he is the 2024/2025 Best Campus Representative Award winner and a prominent voice among university leaders. Ouma chairs the Concern Writers and Publishers Foundation (Kenya) and founded the Afrowriters Association to support emerging African writers. His work spans poetry, essays, and fiction, all rooted in the belief that “rewriting our own history” is key to Africa’s liberation. Follow him on Instagram: @dr.oumab.h.

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